WTB...  

Posted by Matt

(Want To Buy)

...a broken heart.

I've been in the church all my life (with the exception of my sorry excuse for "wild times," consisting ofthree years of not going to church and drinking too many wine coolers [so ghey...] and engaging in one or two forays into awkward premarital sex), so coming by awe and inspiriation and fire and passion for Jesus seems pretty tough sometimes.

If you, a friend, are reading this and you pray--pray that God will impart to me even a small portion of the love He has for me. I just want to fall in love with God.

I've been praying for some sort of life change--ministry? speaking? teaching? Something besides public education? No idea. But I know it's exciting and scary to contemplate, mostly because I'm praying for something new and possibly insecure and unstable, which means I'd have to rely on God more.

So, if I want to rely on God, I want to love Him. If I want to rely on Him more, I want to love Him more. I also want to love Him because I can rely on Him.

It's not my birth-nature to love God. I love me. I get nowhere loving me. I can go anywhere loving God.

I love you, friends. I know God loves you...and I know He loves me. I just really, really, really want to learn to love Him.

...that's all He really wants for me, anyhow.

1 comments

jordan   says May 27, 2008 at 11:31 AM

Well said.

I wish I could really fall in love with his word. I fail quite a bit at getting into the Word regularly. Knowing that it is the best thing I could ever read, and that it can change me to be better in every way... why is it so hard?

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I'm just a suburban guy. I wish I were hardcore, I wish I were tougher, I wish I listened to cooler music, I wish I weren't a lush, I wish I had big muscles, cooler hair, and some rad tattoos, I wish I were smarter, cooler, and sexier, I wish I knew how to play guitar. Instead, I'm just a band geek, power-nerd wannabe, WoW gamer, 30 year-old dad and husband. I play french horn, I read the Vampire Chronicles as well as the Chronic-WHAT?!-les of Narnia, I like movies, but not all the snobby-artsy ones I'm "supposed" to see, and a good meal to me is Miller Lite with chicken patties topped in barbecue sauce. ...oh...and I have a big mouth.

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